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Hi, my name is Sarah and this is a blog about my life, my loves and everything in between. I’m a 28 year old, actress and writer originally from the prairies. I’ve lived in Vancouver for close to three years now and fall more in love with life everyday I spend in this beautiful province. One thing i’ve learned while being here is that life and all its moments are better shared with others, so this is the reason behind “how she learned to fly”. I came to Vancouver after meeting the man of my dreams. I hate to admit that I moved for a guy, so instead I say, he was my catalyst. I had just graduated and felt the need to spread my wings and he was there to say “just jump!”…so I did. Long story short, we were engaged after six months and married a year and a half later. Since being here, I have experienced some of my highest highs and lowest lows. I decided there was no other way to live my life than to follow my heart and do what I love, so I chose to dust off my childhood dream of being an actress and actually try it out so I would never have to look back, sigh, and say “What if?” I’ve has some medium successes but spend a lot of my time repeating my daily mantra,”patience is everything”. Well, that is the quick and dirty version of my life as of now. So I would like to say, Welcome to my world! We are all in this life together!
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2014 is but a number, but with it brings the beauty of pause and reflection.
After some contemplation i’ve counted several “ah-ha” moments to my year but the one that has given me the most freedom and room in my being is the concept of choice.
We often have the tendency to hold others responsible for loving us the way we need to be loved, for filling our love store. We often condemn people in our lives for hurting us, for not being exactly the way we wanted them to be. We spend countless hours justifying ourselves and lives to the world around us when really we are needing to believe in ourselves.
I realized how much I can resort to acting like a child having tantrum, not getting her way so crumbling. I saw my story, my not wanting to be flexible, my closing and condemning, my placing people in unfavorable lights because they hurt me or I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted. I was able to see the dance taking hold and saw the intricate story it was weaving. In a beautiful moment I became aware of the big picture and saw I was being asked to either hold on or let go. I could remain fixed on sad stories or let them go as if they never happened.
In a brief moment I was able to see that holding on to what I felt was justifiable was only hurting me. No one else was being affected. By not letting go I was responsible for making my world more dull, more empty, more void of love. How sad it is to choose that rout when clearly, we always have a choice.
I saw how powerful I could be in those moments when I began to blame outward forces for my happiness. I saw and felt the freedom to be had from choosing at least to try to let go and remain open. It was like receiving a windfall of beauty and recognition in myself as the writer and creator of my own life.
When we choose to stay closed and hold on to old hurts and pain we are only robbing ourselves of the joy soaked in each moment. We must grow out of our patterns and blind reactions. Why choose hardening and closing from pain when you can always choose joy and freedom?
You are the only one responsible for not stepping into the constant flow of beauty.
We must let go in order to be free. Our freedom is all that matters in this life. No hurts can pile up against me, no words can cut deep enough to scar, for I know all of these experiences are simply trying to teach me to walk away from poisonous baggage. It serves no one to carry it. Each soul that has thrown hurt onto me, is only throwing their own. So why then would I collect all of their pain and carry it through my days when all I want it to walk naked and barefoot in the tall grass and open fields with the whisper of the wind, birds song and suns warmth?
I am perfectly whole in who I am, there are no words or pain I wish to carry any longer.
I am shedding the layers of heavy clothes. I will stay in my heart the best I can with each breath and see that all is a reflection of my hearts ability to open or close to life and love.
I choose to release my hurts to the skies. Condemn no one for their actions and whenever at a crossroads, choose the path of joy.
Your heart will open as long as you drop what you thought you once were for the transformation requires this. The longer you resist the longer you will have to wait to see the beauty.
Now what will you choose?
The path of least resistance or fight until you are too tired to keep what’s waiting for you from behind the heavy door.
Some days the waters have a glasslike calm, reflecting tremendous beauty on its surface. Others so turbulent you must dive deep below to find the stillness again. The beauty of this realization is it’s only weather. I, me, we, are not the storms that pass through. We are always the calm, pure waters.
Nature is my greatest teacher and since moving here i’ve had no choice but to steep in her wisdom. She has taught me how to be with my thoughts and wild mind, acknowledge my loneliness, my joys, my doubts and fears and watch them dance beside me, yet remain unattached to them.
We all know how quickly tides can change, the difficulty is not getting swept up in its currents. One day we can love our lives, our jobs, our selves, the next we are lying on our backs wondering how we will ever get up again. Now imagine knowing in all of our highs and lows we are neither, that in reality we are always a neutral and loving being, the rest is but a wind passing through.
Slowly, I’m becoming the observer of the weather patterns of my life, to not identify with the the chaos that my mind can stir but exist harmoniously beside it. For when we identify with the noise we give it roots in which to grow everything we are not. There is a garden inside of you that you have been growing, now see that you are choosing the flowers and the weeds that take root.
“As the bird or the rock or the tree that live and see all life come and go. Standing tall and unshakable in the face of it all, yet simply and abundantly.
I long to know the wisdom of the trees, the wisdom of the grass and rocks and rivers. Of all things living in the great symphony of life- who fear not the unknown and run not from the quiet simplicity and fight not with needing more, but support the life in the other.”
all of my love, namaste.