I had been growing tired of the city for some time. What was once a comforting place had become a windstorm of incongruent, disconnectedness. And while there was plenty of beauty around me in the form of friendships and community, I became painfully aware that I was not in my right place. The noise was getting too much to handle, and spending most weekends out of town somewhere nestled in the woods the differences in what I was choosing to live and what my instinctive nature truly desired where becoming glaringly obvious.
I had to choose. Present in front of me where two different realities. One offering comfort in numbers, the busy hum of success, and endless novelties, the other: roads that tumbleweed literally roll down, deafening silence, complete anonymity and a surprisingly peaceful heart rate. Two very different realities, but one was outweighing the other by a lot as my thirst for “what is real” has become almost unquenchable the older I become.
So, we did it. My husband and I packed up our fancy heritage loft and said our good-byes to the place that taught me a great deal of wisdom for which I am forever grateful but it’s time to gain some new insights and perspectives. And while I would like to joyfully announce this is the best decision I have ever made, I wish it was that simple.
Walking away from what has defined you for so long into an entirely new world is like slowly learning to walk again. This time, without the network of those people and things that characterized who you were until this very moment. Alone, in the simple quietude of it all with no one to see, I am beginning the (sometimes painful) process of rediscovering who I am without all of the ‘glitter and gold’. I am here, trying to learn what the real me wants…and it’s scary to think that it might just be for the moments after it rains and the earth smells of sweet honey, or for when the moon is slung high overhead shinning light on the path I couldn’t see for what felt like eternity…
When we listen to our souls call and let all else fall away, we really do become one with source, and you will be rewarded-maybe not in the way you had imagined but rewarded nonetheless, for you are saying yes to the gods within and the call of the divine.
Wish me luck.